


You're anything but alone

by lea_anonym



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Boyfriend, Love, M/M, Sad Oikawa Tooru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23378611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lea_anonym/pseuds/lea_anonym
Summary: Oikawa is greatly depressed, in a dark pit and he doesn't know how to deal with this, or he's just scared so he ends up alone, or at least thinks he is, at least this is what the voices keep telling him. Iwaizumi, however, is aways by his side, at his highest and lowest.They were two pieces, like the last pieces of a puzzle, they just fit perfectly and couldn’t be separated.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83





	You're anything but alone

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing angst  
> Again
> 
> My brain seems like a magnet for angst whenever I'm writing anything *grumbles*

_“Are you okay?”_

Heck no, Oikawa wasn’t okay, he was anything but that. The question was always running some weird marathon in his head with such a sarcastic undercurrent going by, the brown-haired wanted to throw up his last meal, which was, when he recalled it right, two days ago and now he was in his bed again, so close to going to the kitchen again, to end it once and for all.

The voices were speaking wildly, loudly, thus Oikawa couldn’t help but listen to them. His dark pit, the abyss in his soul, was growing with every new word the voices spilled derogatorily out, like they wanted him to die any moment, the next possible at the best and he fell further down into the darkness.

_“Oikawa?”_

This was his name, the name he grew used to associate with shame, pity, anxiety and huge depression. Maybe he was just too stupid, but maybe he was too scared, too anxious of going to someone, to talk to someone, to get help sincerely and like this, it just got harder with every year, day, hour passing by.

Now, he was a major in a subject he didn’t remember the name of and was completely alone, at least that was what Oikawa aware of in that very moment. The voices got louder, got more desperate any moment and the lousy, badly bubbling feeling in the pit of his stomach began aching more, the pain not leaving his little, broken, shattered heart.

His breath was running short, his fingers tangled in his tousled hair, pulling at his bangs before he shielded his ears, blocking out the noises from the outside of his mind, hoping that the pain in his body would falter, would vanish and he pressed his eyelids together tightly, his knees against his chest and hollow, quiet cries, whimpers leaving his mouth.

“ _Can you hear me? If you can, nod please, Tooru.”_

Oikawa didn’t know how loud the voice actually was, how loud they were speaking, it was all blurry in his mind when it formed a logical sentence, one with actual words. Poor. silent sobs left his throat, erupting his body. Then, he slowly nodded, to whoever there was, to whoever spoke with him.

Maybe he was really going insane. Maybe he was just listening to the voices in his mind again, just this time they spoke with a soothing, soft voice before they’d break him again, and he didn’t think he couldn’t take them without breaking down, without doing something bad one more time. He was at the end. He always felt so utterly lonely, the voices taking the overhand in every situation and he couldn’t decide between lie and truth anymore, the own voice of his head muffled, even muted.

But a yet so tiny bit in Oikawa believed that this wasn’t just his brain telling him stupid things and a cracked “yes” was also whispered over his lips in a croaked, hushed tone.

_“Open your eyes, look at me.”_

The chestnut-haired slowly opened his eyes, a scared feeling crawling up his spine of what actually could be near him, whose presence he didn’t even noticed in his broken state. Tears were steadily running down his reddened cheek, out of his red, puffy, chocolate-brown eyes which he widened when he saw the person in front of him. Oikawa saw how he moved his lips but not even a silent sound would reach his ears, he was still scared of what Iwaizumi might say, oh, so anxious. His body started shaking badly, eyes still locked with his olive-green ones _._

 _They hold so many emotions_ , Oikawa noticed, breath running shallow. _Fear, angst yet gladness, relief, slight happiness._ And it made him feel guilty, feel useless, sad, anxious.

“ _Oikawa._ ”

Iwaizumi leaned forwards slowly when his voice eventually found the way to Oikawa’s brain, putting his own bigger hands over the latter’s own, wiping his tears away carefully with his thumbs, stroking the soft skin.

“ _You’re not alone._ ”

**How should he know that?**

**He’s only showing pity.**

Oikawa’s breath got lost in his breath, but he didn’t cough, didn’t whimper, didn’t do anything, he just remained silent, suffering grossly from the words that had just suddenly popped up in his brain again and didn’t look like ending anytime soon.

 **Just end it.**

**Nobody wants you, need you, they’re just hurting themselves because of you.**

The dark-haired immediately took notice of the chance, tightening his grip over Oikawa’s hand, slowly taking them away. The latter’s eyes widened, fighting back the motion and shook his head violently. He wanted to scream, to shout, to escape this all, to clear his mind, to _hear_ his own voice again and not those engraved ones in the depth of his mind.

“ _I’m here, Tooru._ I’m here.” Iwaizumi cautiously took the other’s hand in his after he had removed them from his ears, caressing the back of them like he was the biggest treasure in this whole society, which he indeed was. In the olive-green eyes of Iwaizumi which had seen many people, there wasn’t anyone who was better than the boy in front of him.

He learned to love him at his highest, to love him at his lowest and though it felt like daggers were digging, cutting through Iwa’s chest, trying to also shatter his soul, he bore with it, for his own sake, but more importantly for him, for Oikawa’s sake.

“H-Hajime…” His voice was small, fragile like thin glass, every wrong movement, wrong word would thrash him away again, throw him to the voices. His lips were quivering when he tried to form words, sentences, his own, real voice stuttering wickedly, eyes widened, then closed tightly, and Iwaizumi could understand it, every single syllable. “I-I’m sorry, so sorry. They… they were too loud again, the v-voices… I couldn’t… can’t take them anymore. I can’t hear them anymore. I just _can’t_.” Hiccups, sobs filled his speech, face pressed against Iwaizumi’s chest, arms around his waist, tightly holding him, onto him, like he was scared the body could disappear any moment that this was just a dream, an illusion and he had formerly just slept in and was caged in a slumber, a good one, but yet not the reality.

“This isn’t a dream, I’m not one, I’m real, but those voices in your head aren’t. Don’t listen to them, you’re neither alone nor anything these voices are saying you”, Iwaizumi whispered as if he could read the other’s mind, softly nuzzling his nose into the other’s curls.

“But I don’t deserve you.” These words were nearly swallowed down by the quietness Oikawa spoke with, but they reached Iwaizumi’s eyes nonetheless, his hand finding itself in the soft curls of the soft, brown hair once again.

“You deserve everything, Tooru. I’m here with you because you need the help, the help which is worth staying with you, by your side. You deserve being with the ones you love. If these voices in your head were people, they’d be long dead. I’m not the only one that utterly cares about you, Matsukawa, Hanamaki, your parents, sister, nephew, everyone does. We’re always here for you, in your heart”, Iwaizumi laid his hand over the other’s rapidly beating heart, Oikawa following his motion without taking a breath though he did this subconsciously, “your mind.” He carefully leaned forwards, cupping Oikawa’s cheeks softly with his slightly raw palms and connects their lips in a sweet kiss, like sugar, like chocolate and the brown-headed loved it, wanted to treasure this moment longer, to keep this forever, but they had to part eventually and Oikawa was, even if normal people might not take notice of it, smiling and it looked like so gentle and soft.

“I… I love you. For being here with me, for bearing with me, for helping me smile, for helping me through my dark times, for not leaving me, so, so much. What did I do to meet you, for you to love me back that you stay with me?”, sighed Oikawa, leaning his head against Iwa’s chest, breathing a bit ragged, hands clutching in tight fists.

“Nothing but being you, and that’s all I need. I just need your happiness, your toothy smile, the childish Oikawa I met back when we were little kids, when we were neighbours, the Oikawa, who kept this stupid attitude even after we had passed your most recent birthday, the one who is always with me when I need him, the one I began to love deeply back in our first year in Aoba Johsai, the one I asked out, the one I celebrated the graduation party with, the only one I need in my whole life, the one I’d never leave, the one I live with, the one who keeps messing up cooking noodles but can make anything other than that like a star-chef, the one with whom I had a flour-fight the last time we baked a cake. I just need Oikawa Tooru, I need _you_ , because I can always count on you and I definitely don’t care when I love you as long as my love doesn’t falter like now, I still love you like I’ve just realised I’ve got feelings for you”, when Iwaizumi finished, he had tears in his eyes himself, hastily wiping them away before he hugged the thin body of Oikawa tighter, limbs tangled like they were knotted together.

“Iwa- Hajime”, he had tears in his big eyes, was crying silently, but he just needed this embrace just needed the love of his life next to him.

He was _happy_ , he couldn’t say how much of that positively bubbling feeling in his chest actually was and he honestly didn’t care. He was glad, grateful that this feeling _was_ there and not the sadness.

Iwaizumi was always the soldier in the shining armour that caught him while he was falling deeper down in the obscure abyss, the hole in his soul, in his heart, he was the one, who pulled him out of there and didn’t just let him stay on the very edge, he helped him to get away from the abyss. It still was there, there was still a high possibility of falling down once again, of losing balance and this was quite sure, especially with Oikawa’s broken mental health, but he didn’t care in that moment, he savoured it with every part of his heart, didn’t want it to end. He was so grateful to just knew that there was hope. Hope that it could get better that he wasn’t alone that he didn’t had to carry that wight alone on top of his already weak shoulders that he had Iwaizumi and that Iwaizumi had him.

They were two pieces, like the last pieces of a puzzle, they just fit perfectly and couldn’t be separated. 

And when they got up to eat after a while of just cuddling, hugging the life out of each other, Oikawa heard his own voice among the others, but he blocked them out and smiled heartfully.

“I love you, Hajime.”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote fluff  
> What an improvement XD
> 
> Thanks for reading y'all ♥


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